August 16th - 4 days old Part 1

We wake up quite late at 9am. I decide that I should try and have a shower. I've only had bed baths for the last few days and i'm desperate to have one. The Nurses bring in a special chair which I can sit on. I don't know how I did it but I managed to walk about 10 paces into the bathroom and get myself onto the chair.

Instantly I feel so much better but at the same time i'm exhausted but I need to see my daughter and Craig and I need to speak with the Doctor.

As we are leaving the room the stoma Nurse arrives to see me. She understands the situation and we arrange for her to come and see me early the next morning.

As we arrive at the NICU, it is clear that Lola has taken a turn for the worse. Her vital signs have dropped dramatically and she needs more oxygen than ever before. Lola's skin has become very delicate and when she is touched, the skin is peeling off. We ask if we can talk to the Doctor as soon as possible and while we are waiting, the hospital Chaplain comes to see us. She does rounds of the whole hospital every day and is aware of Lola. She isn't aware of today's circumstances but she gives us support.

We are taken to a private room to speak with the Doctors and a couple of Nurses from the NICU. The Doctor starts to explain again about how poorly and young/underdeveloped Lola is. To be honest I didn't want to hear it again. While he is talking, there is a group full of women in the next room who have crying newborn babies. It's the last thing I want to hear while we are discussing the fate of our daughter. In the end I tell the Doctor that we know what we have to do. It was the hardest thing i've ever said but I knew we had to do it. I didn't want her to be in pain anymore.

The Doctor tells us that they will take Lola into a private room so that we can be alone with her and that we can do everything in our own time.

While Lola is being prepared, we take the time to have some lunch