Again i'm moved to the chair but I struggle. As well as being very weak I have canula's in my hands. Each time I try to move myself in bed they press deeper into my skin. I need a new one again. I've already got bruises and plasters everywhere from the 10 i've already had. A Doctor comes to see me to put a new one in but he struggles and decides a Nurse would be better at doing it.
We are taken into a private room and I already know what they are going to tell me. It's the same as what Craig came to tell me on the Saturday. Lola needs more medication to keep her at the same level and she's not getting any better. Craig and I need to make a decision. Suddenly the fire alarm goes off and the meeting is cut short and i'm taken back to my ward where another Doctor is waiting to fit my new cannula. A Nurse was supposed to be coming to do it but it seems that another Doctor will try again. Thankfully this time it works well without any pain. Mum arrives after getting the train and explains that Aunty Gill and Uncle Frank are coming later from Cardiff and will take her home and stay at Howards so they can all come together tomorrow.
Ash and Jodi are going to visit me today so I decide that really they should see their Goddaughter instead. I text and say that I would prefer they go to see her and that they should call Craig when they arrive so he can get them. The main entrance to The NICU is locked and opened via the reception.
Finally I get taken to St. Michaels after lunch. My Aunt and Uncle arrive and go through to see Lola. I spend the rest of the day in and out of the room with Lola. The Nurse from the BRI comes to see me. They have found a spare side room for me at St. Michaels and she has brought my belongings with her and my room is ready whenever I need to go down. I can't wait for Ash and Jodi as i'm too tired but I know that they are on their way. We all go down to my new room to get me comfortable and then Craig goes back upstairs to wait for Ash and Jodi.
About 9pm Craig comes back to my room along with Ash and Jodi. It's after visiting times so they only stay for a few minutes. They seem happy to have seen Lola and can't believe how small she is.
The Nurses have put a Z bed in my room so that Craig can stay with me. When we are on our own I bring up the conversation with the Doctors from earlier. We both know what we have to do but we don't really say it although we do come to a decision. It's the hardest decision i've had to make in my life and as a Mother, I cannot believe that i'm having to do this.
The below photo was taken of Lola around 9:13pm by the Nurses in the NICU.
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