Almost Christmas

It's Christmas Eve Eve today and Charlie's 1st Birthday.

I'm quite upset this morning and I don't know if it's because it is Charlie's birthday or if it is the SANDS Christmas Service this afternoon. I think it's more the service. I love Charlie to bits and have never had any problems being round him since we lost our babies so I really don't think it has to do with that. It might also be the thought of going to Kingsdown on Christmas Day to visit Lola and Lukas. Ash, Jodi and Charlie are coming with us tomorrow but we will go on our own Christmas morning. No parent should ever have to do what we have to. We should have them here with us for Christmas and forever.

I've been thinking about reasons why things may be harder. Perhaps it is because reality is setting in but also in the earlier days I did some fundraising and helped SANDS with the garden and had that to look forward to. While we were in Ibiza I decided that I would shave off my hair for charity. The Charity would be Tots For Cots which is for the Peter Dunn Intensive Care Unit at St. Michaels where Lola was.

I decided that when I had £500 of donations, I would shave all my hair. It took me less than a week to get to this point and I shaved off my hair on 26th September. On 3rd October I had reached over £1000. The page is still going and every now and then, I have another donation made. The Charity is trying to raise £1 million to extend and refurbish the unit.

http://www.justgiving.com/LOLA-AND-LUKAS-EVANS

I also had some tattoos on my wrists on 28th September. A gift from an old friend. Taz had just left working at Skin Graffiti in Swindon to open up her very own Tattoo Shop, Ruby Lou's. I've had Lola's name on my left wrist and Lukas' on my right. Each with a star, one pink and one blue.

http://www.rubyloustattoos.co.uk/#!

I've just been going through Facebook on the days leading up to the operation and having Lola and Lukas. I cannot believe the support we had. It's really brought tears to my eyes.

I'm going to the Christmas Service this afternoon with a couple of the girls from the support group as Craig is working. It's going to be very difficult and i'm sure very very emotional.

xx